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Check out these statements and see what answer you have to that: “yes’ or “no”   

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  1.     There are personal issues that I cannot solve myself
  2.     I have lost sense of joy and enjoyment of life
  3.     In last five years I have been cheated, divorced by a loved one
  4.     My loved one died recently
  5.     I can’t have long, serious relationship with other people
  6.     Life seems meaningless to me
  7.     I’m often sick (more than once a year)
  8.     I work hard, stay at work when everyone left, or work on weekends
  9.     I have bad relationships with my parents
  10.     In childhood or adolescence I have experienced parental divorce or death of a loved one
  11.     I cannot forget the hurtful situations in my life and I  replay them again and again
  12.     I find it hard to fall asleep,
  13.     I have an insomnia
  14.     I feel guilty
  15.     I feel insecure in dealing with other people
  16.     I feel lonely
  17.     I’m often dissatisfied with myself and my life
  18.     I avoid conflict, I do not know how to protect my rights
  19.     I enjoy dangerous situations (skydiving, scuba diving, fast driving and so on.)
  20.     I have decreased or increased sexuality
  21.     I have fear to die or go crazy to live a short life

If you have YES for at least 3 statements - you probably need some psychological assistance. I would gladly help you to resolve your psychological problems. If you like you can  SET UP FREE initial session online here 

You can overcome it!

Psychotherapy - is on one hand a relationships, on the other, it’s a service. It is a job that has to be paid, the money included in the process of helping the client and play the role of psycho-therapeutic factor: even for the poor man, it is important to make the amount of money paid for each session substantial.

b2ap3_thumbnail_20140710-171756.jpgFor effective therapeutic relationship, the question of money - as well as other issues of the psycho-therapeutic contract - should be clearly discussed at the outset: it sets limits (but in order to be successful psychotherapy it’s important to have optimal distance between a client and a psychologist who just creates the fact that the customer pays for psychotherapy; it sets frame of work (it is a job, not a miracle, magic show, adoption or "something that will make me") and brings many other benefits to the client.

The answer to the question "what the psychologist takes the money for?" Is simple: for his professional work.

Psychologist is not someone who "loves people for money"; he gets paid for not "help" or "compassion" (this can come from friends or family), but for their professional work in which he applies the skills, techniques, and knowledge. For knowledge what to do and ability to do it.

If the psychologist did not have a clear understanding of the issue, he does not give complete information to the client and the client will not be helped.

Such a complication (like almost every complication of relations) harms the process of psychotherapy.

Among other things, the psycho-therapeutic space - a place where you can discuss any topic, also depends on the client. And since the subject of money (no matter how not or very important it felt) plays a significant role in our lives (and, regardless of whether we are focus on money, or have chosen path of non-materialistic life ), it is something not only can be but have to be discussed in therapy.

It’s important to discuss this topic within psychotherapy to people for whom money is for one reason or another "sore spot." For example, for generally stingy people. Or - on the contrary - he is earning well, compulsively wasting money and lives much worse than he can because of that. Or client is constantly afraid of being cheated; or maybe he really is regularly cheated. Or his favorite scenario - attempts to "buy relationships." Or people with high qualifications and extensive experience constantly earns less than is actually worth, and even works for the minimum amount or altogether free. Or the client believes that he cannot spend money on himself. Or one spends only to on the "necessary" (for example, health or education, but not on vacation, or quality of life improvement, or psychotherapy).

When discussing with the client payment of psychotherapy these topics usually come up. So first talk about the payment - this is the one thread, taking which you can unwind the tangle of internal problems of the client, it is a step towards customer’s benefit.

But if the subject of money is not understood by the psychologist, the client will not only benefit, but also feels uncomfortable: he fears he will "appear greedy" or "poor", "gives bad impression", "offends the psychologist." And not knowing how to properly ask questions regarding payment (and whether it is appropriate to ask them at all!)
Despite the fact that the initiative of the client in psychotherapy is very important, it is the case when the psychologist must at the outset very clearly tell us about your professional proposal and make sure that the client is clear.

Responsibility of the customer is that he has to decide whether he fit these monetary conditions or not.

Fear of paying psychotherapist comes from fear to give money "for nothing». For “listening”, for simple «talk" or worse for the “manipulation of their own vulnerable psyche”.

This is not surprising. After all psychotherapy - a commodity that can neither be tasted nor felt; it is a service where we can’t request a free sample or refund.

Anxiety about being deceived is very high. Fear of giving money for something not as valuable due to the apparent simplicity of psychotherapy (often a reaction to the first meeting with a therapist or psychologist-consultant looks like "is that all? But where is the great miracle?") And its duration also frustrates. (Psychotherapy is frustrating because it cannot meet unrealistic expectations of fast success).

Usually every second person believes that "he is well versed in psychology." Comparing his ability to manipulate, or the ability to give good advice to psychologist, what have been received from books or on the half-year courses (but not the skills, equipment and other necessary base for psychological practice), people often refer to psychotherapy
with words   "I can do it as well." And who would want to pay for skills that you already have?

With this “I can do it” attitude people do not believe in "special knowledge" that is, for example, doctors have (the ability to prescribe drugs, the use of sophisticated tools for the diagnosis and even the infamous white (green) robes which
already hints at a kind of caste). I think no need to explain that I don’t want to underestimate the work of the doctor, but to say that only that in terms of credibility - the doctors are in a better position.

At the same time, psychologists have no external dress code, special procedures and the promise of a miracle that will definitely help. People gladly pay all kinds of miracle makers that promise miracles, everybody want results without doing anything.

 Why do you need a psychologist? What psychologist takes money for?

There is a common opinion about psychotherapy (mostly people who have never worked with a psychologist) say "For what they are taking money? It's just a conversation! ".

Some clients say "Oh, you are making nice money per hour" "Maybe I should become psychologists too?"

Often, people who say this, do not take into account that psychologist really works every minute of that time (what is similar  to oral interpreter, to my mind, every second he processes words, analyses various scenarios and gives feedback)

He cannot switch, have a smoke break, eat, play solitaire, read jokes or talk on the phone. He cannot even just "think about something else, be lazy. This is truly an hourly fee.

And much more: all this time it should be fully involved in the other person life, empathizing with him, and - often - at the same time, simultaneously do substantial analytical work.

Even such "just listening" - in itself is a work. Rarely people share nice stories of life, usually people share bad things and bitter, negative feelings of very high intensity (affects, "overflowing" feelings), which staked life difficult: when we all face acute or prolonged grief, in pain, sickness, when it hurts people around, usually natural reaction is to stay away from person like that.

b2ap3_thumbnail_4e70284cf6398f80628ae2f70ddb284c.jpgWell, at the end, psychotherapy is a technical work, which uses special knowledge and skills. This work, among other things includes special conversation skills and has certain rules.

Therapist has to work with the resistance and defenses, which is to circumvent the one hand protection (sometimes for years prevent changes), and on the other not to break them together with a man. In addition, a psychologist gives feedback; helps find a resource offers experiments, exercises, and assignments.

It - it is work that requires great emotional and energetic contribution.

And yes, all the practical psychologists learn not to burn out from objective difficulties that exist in this work.

Customer pays for psychotherapy, first, in order to get the services of a good quality professional that is willing to work with him.

Secondly, in order to make the process of psychotherapy helpful for him.

Payment terms - an important factor affecting a number of parameters of the process of psychotherapy that can help or hinder, enhance or reduce its effectiveness. The relationship between a client and a psychologist with well-built borders, bilateral responsibility are healing for most customers. And payment psychotherapy work for that kind of relationship.

Payment and symmetry

Psychotherapy - is an unusual relationship. Attention focuses on one person - the client. On his
b2ap3_thumbnail_1.jpgfeelings, issues, history, goals, desires and capabilities. Or on its contact with a psychologist on how exactly it contact works. This relationship is for the benefit of the client focused of his benefits.

The therapist can say about himself, show his presence, communicate his feelings, reactions and experiences, but only if he believes that this will promotes client and be beneficial to him (not just to "share" or remember that "I also had something interesting" or "important").

And in such a situation of obvious asymmetry, relationships in order to be healthy have to be paid in different way, to bring symmetry to them. If there is no payment - that is unethical and unhealthy situation, and in such a situation, psychotherapy has no place. Payment in this case helps to set a balance.

Payment and responsibility for the process

Responsibility for the process of psychotherapy is on both sides. Responsibility of the psychologist is that he must be professional (know his business) and comply with the ethical principles in relation to his clients.

Customer assumes responsibility for what the payment on time and attendance of meetings for his own development.

And the responsibility of the customer is a measure of his mental health. As said W. Glosser "Mental health – is a responsible and realistic perception of the world." Result of prolonged psychotherapy is, among other things, the adoption of human authorship of his life and is responsibility for this authorship.

When the customer pays for his psychotherapy - he commits a responsible act. Constantly performed actions gradually accumulate a certain style of behavior - responsible in relation to himself: paid process, as practice shows, it is harder to sabotage and easier to integrate. And of course responsibility in communication with the other person - in this case with a psychologist develops responsible character. This positive experience (and a liability to others) as part of the therapy competently will be transferred to other areas of life - that is, serve as a model for a healthy relationship with you and with others.

Payment and borders

in order psychotherapy to be successful it needs optimal distance between a client and a psychologist, which is set by payment for psychotherapy. It sets working relationships (its work, not a miracle, not "adoption" or "something that will make me better").

Payment and security

Man does not exist in isolation from the world, and being in a continuous process of exchange. And when two people are in relationships and interactions, each of them gives something and gets something. Even if a man says that he gets nothing, but only pays, it is not quite true: as a rule, if you ask in detail, he gets satisfaction, self-assertion, self-worth, or something else. However, practice shows that people of any profession who are constantly working for free or for an amount that does not compensate for their efforts, in most cases begin to accumulate stress, even if the work brings the joy of creativity and satisfaction. This accumulated tension significantly lowers motivation and performance.

Therefore, the most secure relationship for the client - this is when the psychologist loves his work (only the money for the quality work is also not enough) and gets decent payment for it.

There is another reason why the paid psychotherapy is safer for the customer. When a man does not work for the money. You do not know why he is working. What are their problems, he "acts out" or decides by working with you, what he aspires to? In fact, that's exactly what mothers warn their children not to take candy from man on the street, yes, there is a chance that his man uncle just kind and loves children. But there is a chance that he is not.  

Payment and motivation

it’s not enough to show intention once. It should be supported all the time.

People are always more receptive to the knowledge and change, for which they had to pay. Time of the paid consultation is usually used more efficiently than of one that is free. And what has been discussed or realized for the money always harder displace and forget. That is work of the client, results that he paid for.


Decide to change their lives much harder than decide to go three times a week to the gym. Aching muscles, the banal "reluctance" and lack of habit, do not go in any comparison with the fear of a deep restructuring of individual resistance and the sense that his familiar world is changing.

To change something in your life, you need to make effort, including money. Therefore, psychotherapy should expect a tangible amount paid by client in proportion to the level of his wealth.

I can say that sometimes there are clients that I don’t want to take the money from - they give so much professionally or emotionally, but it must be done for their benefit.

Each psychologist has number clients with whom he works for symbolic amount of money. Usually these are most interesting from professional perspective cases or they are highly motivated people.

Why professionalism is worth so much?

Can I find cheap and good specialist? Yes you can. But it happens very seldom. In my case – Skype sessions give you opportunity to pay Ukrainian tariffs for good specialist, what can be substantially different from regular therapy prices in your country.

Usually a good professional is expensive. Yes, there are exceptions, but the rule is costly.

First, the money makes some qualification. For example, it prevents people to come from curiosity, and without real motivation.

It helps weed out low-motivated clients: those who were «persuaded to go"; who came to fix someone else (wife, husband, and children), and not to work on themselves. Or those who came to prove to themselves that "this does not help."

This requirement is often necessary also because the physical capability of the psychologist is often limited.

I’ve mentioned earlier what emotional and intellectual resources, which requires a process of concentration in psychotherapy.

Not every psychologist can (even if you really want to) take customers at home.

Therefore, the price often depends on the rental. (This is obvious advantage of Skype sessions, by the way)

Finally, the maintenance of professional level and professional improvement also cost money.

In order to be a good psychologists not enough get a degree some years ago (even in the best school)

Personality of psychologist is a too in his work with client. Like any other too lit needs to be kept in order.

In the work of psychologist there are objective difficulties (emotional overload from a collision with affects and strong negative feelings, "burnout" and others). We also need personal therapy,supervision and intervisions (sessions with colleagues). All this costs money.Good psychologist has to use all of the above on the regular basis to be in good professional shape.

That is,not it “would be nice to have” but is a necessary part of the professional practice.

We have the entire time look for good psychologist training: new forms of therapy, books, seminars, etc. As any other professional we have need for professional growth. A professional growth.

After reading this article it’s up to you to decide if it’s cheap or expensive.Everyone defines their willingness to pay and how much one is willing to pay for someone's work hour. And, perhaps, be ready to pay means you are ready to receive.

sources:
©Samir Pavlova (blog in Russian)
http://budurada.livejournal.com/90516.html
http://budurada.livejournal.com/90923.html
http://budurada.livejournal.com/94901.html
http://budurada.livejournal.com/95076.html
http://budurada.livejournal.com/95332.html
http://budurada.livejournal.com/98558.html
http://budurada.livejournal.com/99161.html





In psychotherapy and coaching exists an agreement or contract.
A contract formulates expectations of therapist / coach and client.
Usually before work begins we agree on a contract (often verbally, but better when these expectations are written out)

3 parts of contract to start Skype psychotherapy:


Organizational
In this part we define the location, date, time, and format of payment. Place is Skype, the date and time we define during the preliminary conversation (15 min) in Skype. Then agree on the form of payment. I'm working on a prepaid basis.
Professional
Includes answers to the following questions:
1) what do I as a customer want from a therapist / coach?
2) What professional help do I want? What do I need?
3) How do I know what I'm doing / did what I want / like?
Psychological
It is an obligation to comply with personal equality in the work of the position I’m-okay - You're okay. I’m not a guru, doctor or teacher. We are two equal right partners working together to help you reach your goals.

 

 

 

 

 

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

 

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.

 

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

 

Here are some ideas to get you started:

 

  1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who pull the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
  2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
  3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. 
  4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
  5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
  6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
  7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
  8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
  9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
  10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. 
  11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
  12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
  13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
  14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
  15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
  16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
  17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
  18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
  19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
  20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
  21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
  22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
  23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. 
  24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
  25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
  26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
  27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
  28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
  29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
  30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing
  31. source: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/
  1. Choose Joy
    It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessaonians 5:16; Philippians 4:4)
  2. Honor His Wishes
    Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)
  3. Give Him Your Undivided Attention
    Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.
  4. Don’t Interrupt
    Have you ever been around a person who won’t let you finish a sentence? That gets old fast. Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.
  5. Emphasize His Good Points
    Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable. Choose instead to focus on those qualities in your husband that you most admire. (Philippians 4:8)
  6. Pray for Him
    Ruth Graham advises wives to “tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative.” Take your concerns to God. Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well. (Philipians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
  7. Don’t Nag
    Your husband is a grown man, so don’t treat him like a two-year-old. Leave room for God to work. You are not the Holy Spirit, so do not try to do His job.
  8. Be Thankful
    Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Don’t take your husband for granted. Be appreciative for everything he does for you, whether big or small. Always say thank you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20)
  9. Smile at Him
    Smiles spread happiness. Smiles have even been shown to create happiness. Smiles are contagious. And a smile makes any woman more beautiful.
  10. Respond Physically
    Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your husband’s romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
  11. Eyes Only for Him
    Don’t compare your husband unfavorably to other men, real or imaginary. It is neither fair nor respectful and will only breed trouble and discontent. Avoid watching movies or reading books that might cause you to stumble in this area, as well. (Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 4:23)
  12. Kiss Him Goodbye
    I once read about a study done in Germany which found that men whose wives kissed them goodbye every morning were more successful than those who weren’t kissed. Success and respect often go hand-in-hand, so be sure to send him off right, and don’t forget to greet him with a kiss when he returns home, for good measure. (2 Corinthians 13:12)
  13. Prepare His Favorite Foods
    Although the rest of the family is not overly-fond of spaghetti, my husband loves it, so I try to make it at least two or three times a month as a way to honor him. Next time you’re planning meals, give special consideration to your husband’s preferences. (Proverbs 31:14-15)
  14. Cherish Togetherness
    I love to sit near my husband, whether at home or away. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my husband that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything he says is so interesting. At home, I’ll take my book or handwork to whatever room in the house he’s working in, just to be close to him, because I enjoy his company, even when neither of us is talking.
  15. Don’t Complain
    Nobody wants to be around a whiner or complainer. It is grating on the nerves. Remember the serenity prayer: accept the things you can’t change, courageously change the things you can, seek wisdom to know the difference. (Philippians 2:14)
  16. Resist the Urge to Correct
    I know one wife whose spouse can’t tell a story without her stopping him fifteen times to correct inconsequential details: “It wasn’t Monday evening, it was Monday afternoon…. It wasn’t blue, it was turquoise…. He didn’t ride the bus, he took a shuttle.” Please. Please. Please. Don’t ever do that to your husband — or to anyone else, for that matter! (Proverbs 17:28)
  17. Dress to Please Him
    Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.
  18. Keep the House Tidy
    To the best of your abilities, try to maintain a clean and orderly home. Seek to make it a haven of rest for your entire family. (Proverbs 31:27)
  19. Be Content
    Do not pressure your husband to keep up with the Jonses. Take satisfaction in the lifestyle he is able to provide for you. (1 Timothy 6:6-10; Hebrews 13:5)
  20. Take His Advice
    Do not dismiss his opinions lightly, especially when you’ve asked for his counsel in the first place. Make every effort to follow your husband’s advice.
  21. Admire Him
    Voiced compliments and heartfelt praise are always welcome, but you should also make it your habit to just look at your husband in a respectful, appreciative way. Think kind thoughts toward him. He’ll be able to see the admiration in your eyes. (Luke 6:45)
  22. Protect His Name
    Honor your husband in the way you speak of him to family and friends. Guard his reputation and do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public. Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why your husband married you in the first place. (Proverbs 12:4; 22:1)
  23. Forgive His Shortcomings
    In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Please do not hold grudges against your husband. Do not allow a root of bitterness or resentment find a home in your heart. Forgive your husband freely, as Christ has forgiven you. (Mark 11:25; Matthew 18:21-35)
  24. Don’t Argue
    You are not always right, and you do not always have to have the last word. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.” Be willing to accept the blame. It takes two to argue, so “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14; 21:19; 25:24)
  25. Follow His Lead
    If you want your husband to lead, you must be willing to follow. Neither a body nor a family can function well with two heads. Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

source: http://lovinglifeathome.com/2012/08/06/25-ways-to-communicate-respect/

  1. Seeing the fruits of our labor may make us more productive
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    The Study: In a study conducted at Harvard University, Ariely asked participants to build characters from Lego’s Bionicles series. In both conditions, participants were paid decreasing amounts for each subsequent Bionicle: $3 for the first one, $2.70 for the next one, and so on. But while one group’s creations were stored under the table, to be disassembled at the end of the experiment, the other group’s Bionicles were disassembled as soon as they’d been built. “This was an endless cycle of them building and we destroying in front of their eyes,” Ariely says.
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    The Results: The first group made 11 Bionicles, on average, while the second group made only seven before they quit.
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    The Upshot: Even though there wasn’t huge meaning at stake, and even though the first group knew their work would be destroyed at the end of the experiment, seeing the results of their labor for even a short time was enough to dramatically improve performance.
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  2. The less appreciated we feel our work is, the more money we want to do it
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    The Study: Ariely gave study participants — students at MIT — a piece of paper filled with random letters, and asked them to find pairs of identical letters. Each round, they were offered less money than the previous round. People in the first group wrote their names on their sheets and handed them to the experimenter, who looked it over and said “Uh huh” before putting it in a pile. People in the second group didn’t write down their names, and the experimenter put their sheets in a pile without looking at them. People in the third group had their work shredded immediately upon completion.
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    The Results: People whose work was shredded needed twice as much money as those whose work was acknowledged in order to keep doing the task. People in the second group, whose work was saved but ignored, needed almost as much money as people whose work was shredded.
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    The Upshot: “Ignoring the performance of people is almost as bad as shredding their effort before their eyes,” Ariely says. “The good news is that adding motivation doesn’t seem to be so difficult. The bad news is that eliminating motivation seems to be incredibly easy, and if we don’t think about it carefully, we might overdo it.”
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  3. The harder a project is, the prouder we feel of it
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    The Study: In another study, Ariely gave origami novices paper and instructions to build a (pretty ugly) form. Those who did the origami project, as well as bystanders, were asked at the end how much they’d pay for the product. In a second trial, Ariely hid the instructions from some participants, resulting in a harder process — and an uglier product.
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    The Results: In the first experiment, the builders paid five times as much as those who just evaluated the product. In the second experiment, the lack of instructions exaggerated this difference: builders valued the ugly-but-difficult products even more highly than the easier, prettier ones, while observers valued them even less.
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    The Upshot: Our valuation of our own work is directly tied to the effort we’ve expended. (Plus, we erroneously think that other people will ascribe the same value to our own work as we do.)
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  4. Knowing that our work helps others may increase our unconscious motivation
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    The Study: As described in a recent New York Times Magazine profile, psychologist Adam Grant led a study at a University of Michigan fundraising call center in which  student who had benefited from the center’s scholarship fundraising efforts spoke to the callers for 10 minutes.
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    The Results: A month later, the callers were spending 142 percent more time on the phone than before, and revenues had increased by 171 percent, according to the Times. But the callers denied the scholarship students’ visit had impacted them.
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    The Upshot: “It was almost as if the good feelings had bypassed the callers’ conscious cognitive processes and gone straight to a more subconscious source of motivation,” the Times reports. “They were more driven to succeed, even if they could not pinpoint the trigger for that drive.”
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  5. The promise of helping others makes us more likely to follow rules
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    The Study: Grant ran another study (also described in the Times profile) in which he put up signs at a hospital’s hand-washing stations, reading either “Hand hygiene prevents you from catching diseases” or “Hand hygiene prevents patients from catching diseases.”
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    The Results: Doctors and nurses used 45 percent more soap or hand sanitizer in the stations with signs that mentioned patients.
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    The Upshot: Helping others through what’s called “prosocial behavior” motivates us.
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  6. Positive reinforcement about our abilities may increase performance
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    The Study: Undergraduates at Harvard University gave speeches and did mock interviews with experimenters who were either nodding and smiling or shaking their heads, furrowing their eyebrows, and crossing their arms.
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    The Results: The participants in the first group later answered a series of numerical questions more accurately than those in the second group.
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    The Upshot: Stressful situations can be manageable—it all depends on how we feel. We find ourselves in a “challenge state” when we think we can handle the task (as the first group did); when we’re in a “threat state,” on the other hand, the difficulty of the task is overwhelming, and we become discouraged. We’re more motivated and perform better in a challenge state, when we have confidence in our abilities.
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  7. Images that trigger positive emotions may actually help us focus
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    The Study: Researchers at Hiroshima University had university students perform a dexterity task before and after looking at pictures of either baby or adult animals.
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    The Results: Performance improved in both cases, but more so (10 percent improvement!) when participants looked at the cute pictures of puppies and kittens.
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    The Upshot: The researchers suggest that “the cuteness-triggered positive emotion” helps us narrow our focus, upping our performance on a task that requires close attention. Yes, this study may just validate your baby panda obsession.

What have you noticed makes you work harder – and better?

source:http://blog.ted.com/2013/04/10/what-motivates-us-at-work-7-fascinating-studies-that-give-insights/

levels-of-psychotherapy_20140729-133846_1.jpg

Often clients ask how many session they need to solve their issue.

To understand what you need, it might be helpful to look at different levels of psychotherapy.

Levels are not starting from consulting or giving psychological advice.

First level is psychotherapeutic counseling usually appearing on the actual problem of the person, we work with actual situation. Goal is to relieve acuity of the problem what usually takes up to 10 sessions.  3 - 5 sessions usually is enough to develop strategy of problem solution and find resources that client has to solve problem. Main focus is present, with perspective in future.

Second level is small psychotherapy that lasts from 10 to 30 sessions (less often 50). This is slower and deep psychotherapy, work with basic conflict. Because fast progress to the depth can be difficult this therapy needs more time. We are going to childhood, relationships with parents, deep mechanisms, scenarios. Focus of work – past, with perspective on present and future.

Third level is big psychotherapy or therapy of relationships and by relationships. This is even slower and deeper process and starts from 30 sessions and can last (by desire of client) all his life as a supporting therapy, sometimes pausing for months and years. Focus of work – relationships with therapist as a mirror to relationships with the world and himself. Results of such therapy are not that obvious as on the first and second level, but client usually express reality of becoming “stronger, confident, and more balanced”.