I could only praise myself for how long I lasted in the marriage. But it all ends, one day I found myself with my things on the threshold of my mother’s apartment with her son.

Mom hugged me carefully and put the tea on. After I calmed down a little and poured out all the troubles of my married life on her, she said:

- Of course you can get a divorce, but first do the following.

She carried the sleeping child into the bedroom, took out paper and a pencil and cut a sheet of paper in half with a thick line from top to bottom.

And she said:

- Write in the column on the left all the points because of which your life with your husband turned into a nightmare.

(I thought that now in the right column she would suggest writing something good about him, and immediately decided that this list would be short) And while I was diligently describing all the flaws my husband, and what he

- scatters things

- doesn't talk to me

- rude

- has not taken me to restaurants and other nice places for a long time

- greedy

- does not take care of itself

- lies on the sofa in the evenings

(the list grew very quickly, spurred on by my anger, so that there was no more empty space in the left column)

It became obvious that a normal person could not and should not live with such a freak.

- Well, now write his good qualities in a list on the right? – I asked.

- No way - I already know them.

- Write how you react to each of the points in the left column.

This is what I wrote in the right column:

- Resentment, shouting, silence

- shame to be around

- wore a mask of torment to evoke pity

- play on feelings

- thought about divorce and other men

- pressed him with silence

- considered herself much better than him

- considered him not worthy of a person like me

Surprisingly, this list also turned out to be very long, and I filled the sheet with it to the end.

Then mom folded the sheet and tore it exactly in half - we got two lists.

She threw the list that described her husband’s shortcomings into the trash can, and gave the second one to me.

- Girl, my mother said, think at home about how you reacted. You can leave the child with me. If after this you still want to get a divorce, we will support you, just think about your reactions.

When I got home, I looked through my list again. He looked terrible, especially without the left column with a list of his husband's shortcomings.

I was so overwhelmed by the awareness of my own imperfection that my husband’s bad habits looked small against this background. Objectively speaking, he didn’t do anything completely terrible.  I became so bitter that I stopped thanking him for the fact that my husband, although not perfect, is still a good person.

Just a few years ago I loved him and swore allegiance to him, but now it all seemed insignificant.  

I cried and realized that I needed to change the situation starting with myself, to react differently - with forgiveness and peace. I can't change my husband, but I can change myself and maybe when I react differently to his behavior, it will change.

To find these new ways of responding, maybe I should go to a therapist, I thought. I want to do things differently, but I don’t know how.

In any case, it was already clear where to start.

S called my mother with gratitude and said that she had helped me a lot and decided to cook a romantic dinner for my husband today - to surprise her, I was surprised to find that I was already thinking about him warmly and without irritation. How strange, I thought, but just a couple of hours ago I was ready to divorce him immediately.

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