You've probably heard Mark Twain's phrase, which goes something like this: “Great people make you feel like you can become great, small people undermine your self-confidence.”

Although it cannot be said that people who deprive you of your importance are necessarily “petty”, communicating with a person who devalues your achievements, virtues or abilities can indeed be toxic, so you should avoid such relationships .

How does the depreciation mechanism work?

For what reason does a person refuse to recognize the good that is in you?

1.       The manipulation didn't work.

Other people often manipulate us in the hope of getting something from us. When such manipulation fails, strong feelings arise, energy that is generated by the difference between expectations and reality.  The stronger the contract, the stronger the response can come in order to still take away from you the energy that was not received.

The methods can be different - indifference, ridicule, criticism and even revenge.  Anger from the fact that you did not agree to fulfill the wishes of another will definitely spill out - and some form of revenge will turn on.

2.      It's difficult to accept reality

If a person does not want or cannot, for example, pay for something, but he is ashamed to admit the lack of money (in front of himself or others) - then he can begin to blame another (the best defense - attack) devaluing its goods or services.  Your professional qualities or product quality are devalued.

3.      Desire to manage

A devalued person loses his self-esteem. If you keep someone in this state for a long time using devaluation, you can easily control someone else. For example, in relationships, men often resort to this kind of devaluation by telling the woman “who needs you?” to tie her firmly to you.  In order not to experience rejection, a person whose self-esteem has been lowered will be ready for any violation of personal boundaries.

How to deal with depreciation?

First of all, it is important to understand that when you accept devaluing comments, you are driven by the fear, shame and guilt of the other person. In order not to experience these emotions, the other person hides behind devaluing you.

Don't play these games with him - don't take it personally or show emotion. As soon as you enter into a dialogue about your value, you have already lost.  Just ignore it, it will deprive your accuser of the energy he wants to get from you.

Separate the flies from the cutlets. Recognize that the other person has a right to an opinion, but it doesn't have to be taken seriously. These are emotions. Recognize your successes yourself without waiting for someone to appreciate them. Be attentive to your own feelings about what is fact.

If your loved one uses devaluation constantly in a relationship, then this is a reason to think about whether you are caught in the web of a toxic dependent relationship.

If you need help combating devaluation and want to understand how it happens in your relationships, sign up for psychotherapy using the button below.

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