(based on the book “Depression Is Canceled” by Richard O’Connor)

It is known that depression is influenced by many factors: genetic predisposition, body biochemistry, and the external environment.

Of course, if you have clinical depression (or major depressive disorder), it is better to go to a psychiatrist (unlike psychologists, he can prescribe medication) if it is difficult for you to do this yourself, ask your loved ones to help you go for a consultation. First of all, you need to change the biochemistry of the body, and this requires drug treatment - pills (you may have to try several drugs before the psychiatrist selects the one that will work well in your case). Then, when the biochemistry has changed, you can engage in parallel talk therapy with a psychotherapist (in agreement with the psychiatrist).  The difference between major depressive disorder is that it may not be accompanied by a bad mood at all and the complex of symptoms may include loss of interest in life, lethargy and fatigue, inattention and indecisiveness, low self-esteem, self-flagellation, thoughts of suicide, sleep and appetite disturbances, loss weight. If this condition lasts more than 2 weeks, it makes sense to consult a psychiatrist so that he can make a correct diagnosis (or say that drug treatment is not needed for now).

Self-help methods described below for those who have not yet sunk into this state so deeply or have climbed out into a less severe one with the help of antidepressants.

Essentially, depression is difficulty adapting to stress. It is important to say that drug treatment in itself is not bad, but it is better when you change your beliefs and the way you react to stress (this is a complex problem, not only biochemical) - then this effect will last longer (psychotherapy will help you). If you exclusively help yourself with medication, then you get used to regulating your condition from the outside, and not from the inside - which gives a short-term effect.

Habitual thoughts and behavior in a depressed state form a rut from which it is difficult to get out.

But it is possible - if you persistently dig another track nearby - until it becomes a healthier alternative to the destructive old one.  I will describe the methods that will help you do this below.

So let's get started.

1.      Don't run away from feelings

When a person becomes depressed, he runs away from his feelings. This is a defense mechanism that helps him avoid painful experiences. On the other hand, it is these experiences that send important signals about life. Avoidance requires significant energy which puts our body into a state of energy conservation.

It is important to understand that any emotions, both positive and negative, cannot last long, the body is designed in such a way that it will still return us to a stable state, and the expression of feelings will only help us express energy (healthy aggression, laughter, etc.).  It is very important to control the form in which these emotions are expressed; a child can wear them out by falling on the floor in a store, and adults find healthier ways to express these feelings, but it is necessary to express them. You have every right to feel the way you feel, do not judge yourself and do not forbid yourself to experience even those feelings that others do not approve of. Learn to be sincere with yourself, otherwise it will drag you into a pool of guilt and shame and begin to eat away at your self-esteem.

2.      Keep a mood diary

Nothing happens in a vacuum - everything happens for a reason. You are not crazy, there was some event to which the reaction was excessive and dragged you into the swamp of depression.

To track which events are the trigger for a depressive state, start observing.

It is useful in this case to keep a mood diary, where you will record your changes in state and track patterns and connections with the events of the week (this could be memories, dreams, some information you have heard).  In the flow of events, these connections may elude understanding; the diary will help you. Sometimes the connections are obvious - a breakup, the death of a loved one, failure.  

Understanding gives you more control. If it is possible to change the situation, change it; if not, work on accepting it.  “God, give me the strength to change what I can, accept what I cannot, and the wisdom to distinguish one from another” - a famous prayer that often comes to mind in such cases.

3.     Train mindfulness.

Meditation, that is, managing your attention will help you fight obsessive states and focus on your feelings. This will help you “come unstuck” from the negative perception of life and see it in its entirety (including the positive sides). An objective picture of the world will help you make better decisions and help you enjoy life.

When we begin to accept life in its fullness and stop fighting what cannot be changed, we gain greater freedom.  Much of what worries us is not worth our energy and attention at all, but when we are emotionally involved, it is difficult for us to realize it - because the brain turns off.  Meditation brings us back to a state where we are able to see this.  Learn to pause before you are sucked into the emotional funnel and are already carried away.  

4.     Persevere in building new connections

Every experience forms neural connections (this is the same track I spoke about above).  Accordingly, new experience forms other connections, and the more new experience, the stronger these new connections become.

If you persistently practice the principles described above, then your brain (its chemistry and reactions) is steadily changing.

Don't blame yourself for your feelings; these thoughts only deprive you of the energy you can direct to change. If you are overcome by feelings of anger and despair that paralyze your will, of course psychotherapy will help you as support and an additional resource, but the therapist will still not change your brain for you. You will have to work hard. It's your life and your choice, it's up to you to stay where you are or move towards healthy behavior patterns.

5.     Take off your sunglasses

It is important to realize that a depressive state deforms and distorts the real picture of the world. You no longer see what is happening objectively, but through the dark, gloomy glasses of a negative state.  This makes you a pessimist - you begin to believe that the positive is random and temporary, and the negative is natural and permanent.  Such thinking deprives you of determination and will to achieve your goals, which in turn gives rise to new confirmation of such a picture of the world - the world of a loser.  It’s hard for you to remember your successes and victories, but you remember well your failures and the successes of others.

Know that other people are not much different from you - they also struggle with difficulties and failures, it’s just that a positive attitude helps them put in a little more effort and get better results when you already have hands down.

To take off your dark glasses, get yourself a second diary - a diary of negative thoughts (I have an article on how to use it “the three-column method”). In short, every time negative thoughts appear, recognize them, identify why they are wrong, and write down a positive alternative. When you see how they deceive you, it will be easier for you to distance yourself and not take your inner critic to heart.

6.       Focus on the goal

Focus your efforts on things that bring you joy in the long term. It’s like with a diet - quickly digestible carbohydrates (like sugar) give quick results, but destroy your health. Make the right choices, focus on what will bring you joy for a long time, and don’t get caught up in what gives you instant pleasure (like social networks).

Make an assessment of what is stopping you from doing this. Do you find it difficult to refuse others? Are you procrastinating? Fear? Anger? These are all requests that are often encountered in psychotherapy and these habits can be changed.

7. Learn to love yourself

In the evening, mark your small victories for the day in your diary (goals achieved, tasks completed, good deeds, correct behavior, etc.). At the end of the week, review your achievements. This will help you see your positive sides and live in the moment.

Focus on the “here and now” is a useful skill, as a rule, problems arise when we are too focused on the past or future.  At the same time, pay attention to your feelings during the day, learn to enjoy the taste of food, the sounds of nature, smells, absorb positivity, and don’t just think about it. We are prone to reflection - this is more familiar to us than focusing on experiences and sensations. Train to feel - it will fill your life with new colors.  By focusing on your work tasks and the world around you, you can unstick yourself from endless self-criticism. If you are already prone to workaholism, then learn to relax: play, dance, sing, do yoga or sports. Eat right.

 In general, love yourself, your life and start taking care of your loved one, your body, your soul.

8. Be direct

As a rule, depression deprives you of the will to achieve a goal. A depressed person gives up quickly. This also happens in communication with others: there is no strength to speak directly, “I will remain silent - let them guess for themselves,” “I will hint - they will understand.”

Instead, learn to say clearly out loud what you are thinking, do not expect that you will be understood anyway. And it’s best to start phrases with the pronoun “I”.  If you think you have been poorly understood, ask for clarifying questions. Directness and openness not only combat those feelings you are trying to escape from, but also help you receive support and care from other people. How will they understand that you need support if you don’t tell them directly? On the other hand, your silence may be perceived as hostility.

If you are an introvert, pull yourself out to positive emotions. Communicate with people (maybe not with everyone at once), smile more (it has been noticed that if you smile even when you don’t want to, your mood will also change for the better).  Research showed that introverts felt happier when they acted like friendly extroverts.

9. Be inspired by the examples of others

Look around you. Who in your environment is an example of positivity, optimism and good humor?  Maybe this is your teacher? Yoga teacher? Priest? Relative? Friend? Colleague?

Try to imitate their role model. Of course, you won’t become a different person, but you can definitely learn something good.

If there are no inspiring examples in your environment, perhaps they are in books. There are a huge number of inspiring biographical books about famous people of the past.  They, too, were imperfect people and still left their mark on history. When we admire someone, we imitate.  “Play a role until it becomes you.”

  10. Help others

Help comes in completely different forms - a smile, time, touch, support, a compliment. We seem to be extending a bridge from ourselves to another person who is now experiencing negative feelings, fear, loneliness, failure.  Strange as it may seem, it charges you with positive energy as well. It’s as if the good you shared does not decrease, but multiplies.

For people who are prone to self-reflection and depression, it is great to shift the focus of attention to other people. Look for opportunities to help others - volunteering. It doesn't have to be something global. Maybe it will be an old lady from your building whom you will help buy food or medicine, maybe it will be a trip to an orphanage or a trip to the hospital.  It is important that you have personal contact with the person you are helping.  If you train yourself to be generous (that is, to go beyond your usual boundaries, not only financial, but emotional), you will feel like a more emotionally rich and joyful person - who has something to give.

 11. Open up

Intimacy and openness are what we need most in relationships. The most valuable thing is to be yourself and at the same time loved. Be vulnerable and not be afraid of being rejected.  Of course there is a reasonable balance between intimacy and autonomy, but usually those prone to depression are skewed towards autonomy.  It is for this reason that greater intimacy is healing for them.  Wearing a protective mask as a way to hide the self that you are ashamed of is a typical strategy. If you open up to your loved ones, then most likely, the feeling of shame and guilt that you nurtured in the darkness under a mask will dissipate in the acceptance that you will experience by revealing your “I” to the people who love you.  Light conquers darkness, openness conquers shame.

  12. Ask for help

You already have many tools that will help you understand that you are slipping back into depression.

If you notice these signs, act. Of course, self-help tools are good, but it takes time for them to become as much a part of life as brushing your teeth.

Simply persuading yourself and auto-training may not be enough. Use all the resources you have.

Sign up for psychotherapy by clicking the button below and get ready for serious work. Muscles also don't grow immediately when you go to the gym.  Make an effort in advance to build relationships with other people so that they can support you when you need it or find some kind of support group. Make an action plan for your loved ones in case you slip back into depression, let your loved ones know about it.

And finally, be patient. The fruits cannot ripen immediately. Any results take time. But this will definitely happen if you persistently move towards a healthy, more joyful and fulfilling life.

Researchers observing the growth of the brain of a beginning juggler were able to see growth only after three months, and it takes years to become a good juggler; your restructuring of thinking, emotions and behavior also does not happen quickly. Most likely, you will experience anxiety, discomfort and a desire to give up and quit everything. This is normal when gaining any new experience. But having mastered new habits, you will no longer notice the discomfort and healthy behavior and reactions will become the norm.

Take action and you will succeed!