How the Karpman triangle works using example

1. Rescuer

In this role, a person caught in a closed triangle of relationships according to Karpman wants to help and advise everyone. The rescuer is happy, everyone is happy too. He seeks to make amends for everything that was destroyed by the previous outburst of anger. Moreover, it is to make amends through actions, and not words (since the value of words is questionable).

 Everyone around him likes his behavior, and more and more people ask him to help. He can no longer cope with the orders assigned to him, but for now he is still holding on, explaining to himself and everyone that “it’s not difficult for him.” He is going to make everyone happy.

Gradually everyone gets used to his efforts and stops thanking and praising him as before. If gratitude sounds, it is already automatic. The rescuer begins to tense up, as the expected degree of gratitude has disappeared, and the work has increased. He can’t help him quit, since he’s already “signed up,” but at the same time, guilt and anxiety grow, and shame disappears.

What was originally a favor is now presented as a rescuer's responsibility with the expectation of completion on time. Praise disappears from this equation altogether. Everything is taken for granted.  I no longer have the strength for such services and I want to see what will happen if I do nothing at all, just pull the burden. There is no longer any guilt, but anxiety is off the charts.

Resentment and anger cover, no one appreciates the effort! With the last bit of strength, something is done in the hope of praise. There is no trace of joy, but the job needs to be completed differently and they won’t say thank you. Because emotions are at their limit, resentment and anger find any reason to lash out. The person breaks through, “I tried for you ungrateful people!” and he gets carried away (especially under alcohol) and goes on the offensive against his ungrateful surroundings.

 2. Pursuer

Everything happens in a state of passion: a stream of swearing, screams, obscenities, tears, etc.  Anger and resentment burst out, sweeping away everything in its path.  Those around them begin to fear aggression and outbursts of anger, now everyone notices the pursuer, he finally receives the long-awaited attention.

After the “lid is removed from the boiling kettle” - the anger comes out - relief comes for a short time. Attempts to shame others do not work. But the state of relief does not last long. A feeling of guilt begins to accumulate from having stepped on the same rake again, and one begins to feel sorry for oneself. And pity, as we know, leads to the position of a victim.

3. Victim

The victim feels bad and everyone begins to feel sorry for him. A lot of attention, care, despite the fact that a person falls into a passive position (there is no more energy, he has released all of it) - he lies down, feels sorry for himself and does nothing.  The idea begins to appear that inaction irritates everyone. Shame and guilt grow, which replace self-pity with good things. A person begins to castigate himself for inappropriate behavior. This pushes him to start doing something, although no one has yet asked for it.  I really want to return normal relationships to those around me, and the most logical way seems to be to become a support and support for everyone again.

And so the triangle closes, the person again moves to the position of the rescuer.

If you recognize yourself in this story, then working with a psychotherapist will help you get out of the enchanted triangle of unhealthy behavior. You can make an appointment by clicking the button below.  In any case, after reading this note you will already have more awareness, and this is always useful, since what we are not aware of controls us anymore.

Take action and you will succeed!