People who read psychological literature are very familiar with the transactional relationship triangle diagram, which was invented by Eric Berne's follower Steve Karpman.
The essence of it is simple: participants in relationships manipulate using the roles of victim, pursuer and rescuer, periodically changing roles.

The victim suffers from injustice, is offended, afraid, but does nothing. Motto: “Life is problems”

The persecutor teaches everyone, controls, is angry and irritated, and he himself gets tired of the responsibility that he himself has taken upon himself.  Motto: “Life is the enemy”

The rescuer is angry with the pursuer and feels sorry for the victim. His mission is to assert himself at the expense of others; no one asked him to save him. He believes that he has the right to impose his help because he is better than others. Motto “Life is a mission”

Periodically, the victim becomes the pursuer, and the pursuer becomes the victim and vice versa, the meaning of the interactions does not change, only the roles.
In a house where the Karman triangle reigns, the child will be deprived of independence, because all its participants will subconsciously protect him from any decisions, playing on feelings of guilt and shame.

Exit strategy

Victims:
1.    If something doesn’t suit you, change it. No complaints!
2.    Nobody owes anything, even if they promised
3.    The rules of life can change and this must be accepted
4.    Finally accept responsibility for yourself
5.    Stop blaming yourself and condemning yourself for your decisions
Persecutor:
1.    Don't blame your problems
2.    Accept the idea that everyone behaves as they see fit and is not obliged to listen to you
3.    If you don't like something, don't do it or leave
4.    Learn to sort things out without hitting and aggression
 Rescuer:
1.    Do not give advice unless asked for it
2.    Don't offer help unless asked
3.    Don't think that you know better than others what needs to be done and without your valuable guidance everything will go wrong
4.    Don't expect gratitude for your good deeds
5.    Don't assert yourself  at the expense of the weak

What will the triangle turn into if all its participants stop playing this game?

The victim, instead of complaining, actively acts and solves his problems on his own, enjoying his efforts. You could say that his new role is that of a hero.
The pursuer increasingly observes from the sidelines without active intervention. He accepts life without criticizing or worrying about it. His new role is that of philosopher.
The Savior, instead of imposing his help, encourages the former victim to act independently. Thus turning into a motivator.

If the new behavior is strengthened, then the pattern of interactions “hero - philosopher - motivator” is transformed into “winner - contemplator - strategist”.
The hero wins for the sake of expressing creative energy and enjoying creativity. The philosopher learns to find connections that he had not noticed before and generates ideas. And as a motivator, you gain the ability to understand how to implement these ideas.

Of course this is an ideal relationship model. But you can and should definitely strive for it. If you notice that you are being manipulated, you are not a tree and you can get out of such a relationship and stop playing manipulation. A therapist can help you figure out how to change your relationship and move toward healthier interactions. If you need support with this, I will be happy to help online or in person in Kyiv. To register for a session, click on the button below.

Take action and you will succeed!