Relationship between therapist and client

How to perceive the relationship with a psychotherapist correctly? He is not a friend, but he is also a confidant. Is he the one on whom you can throw out your negativity, worries and worries? It is quite difficult to define the connection that exists between “my psychologist”, “my psychotherapist” and the client.
Although in fact it is this relationship that is key to the movement of psychotherapy forward.
Let's look at what makes up this relationships.

Unconditional love and acceptance, transference and countertransference.

The relationship between psychotherapist and client is of a paradoxical nature. On the one hand, we feel the need for them, since they contain unconditional love and acceptance, but at the same time we strive to become more independent in order to do without them. The meetings themselves are strictly regulated, and at the same time, the existing framework of meetings and relationships gives a feeling of security and helps to openly share one’s experiences, fears, and desires. Of course, if you have found “your therapist” and you have good contact and trust.
These subjective perceptions of each other are described by two terms - countertransference and transference.
Transference is the endowment by the client of the therapist of the qualities of other significant people. The client begins to experience the feelings towards the therapist that these significant people aroused in him.
Countertransference is the feelings in the specialist that are generated by the patient. As a rule, these feelings help to understand the client better if they are recognized. Feelings may be different - anger, irritation, tenderness or attraction, but actions are excluded.
Friendship and sex with the client are impossible, this is the key to safety. He can express any feelings without fear of abuse by the psychotherapist.

Discovering your true selves

For those whose parents were very busy at work and did not do much parenting, the therapist is an ideal interlocutor. He has time for us and his attention is focused exclusively on the client. He sincerely accepts and listens.
Without giving judgment or advice, the therapist allows us to open up and be ourselves. We can reveal to him our secret sides and complexes. We get rid of the roles of “son, daughter, mother, manager, colleague” and can be as we are without social masks.

Psychotherapist - client of psychotherapist

A certified therapist is required to complete a certain number of hours of personal therapy during their training, otherwise they would not be certified as a psychotherapist.
Therefore, it cannot be said that the difference between a psychotherapist and a client is that great. From time to time, as needed, the psychotherapist himself can seek help from colleagues as a client, even after graduation. And that's okay.
It seems that the only therapist who did not have personal therapy is Freud himself. It’s like with a dentist - you can’t cure your own teeth and you need external help.

Agreement on the relationship between psychotherapist and client

Unconditional 100% attention that is directed to the client, without judgment and with active listening - this is a unique service. That's why these relationships are paid. Otherwise it would be an asymmetrical relationship where one gets everything and the other gets nothing. Money helps the client to free himself from the sense of debt that exists in ordinary relationships and makes him independent, this is the meaning of the contract.
The client can talk about everything - after all, this is his time, on the other hand, understanding that he pays for it himself, an approach to use will be more conscious.

The framework of relationships is the key to freedom.

Despite clear boundaries - regularity of sessions, time limits, fixed payment - therapy creates a field for true freedom. The therapist's feelings and desires fade into the background.
With the client, unlike in a friendly relationship, there is no equal exchange. Despite the fact that the specialist does not hide his feelings, but reveals them only if it helps the client deal with his problems. There is a distance in this relationship that helps the client.
It is for this reason that the code of ethics of psychotherapists prohibits both friendship and sexual relationships, since such relationships can harm the therapeutic work.

Mirror relationships

The belief that the psychotherapist is helping and you can trust him works to behave with him in the same way as you behave with others. This helps you overcome your negative feelings that are born in interaction with others. If a psychotherapist talks a lot, you can learn to fight to talk more; if you have a hard time parting with a therapist, this is a reason to learn to endure separation from loved ones.
So, the relationship between a psychotherapist and a client helps to reconsider the usual patterns of behavior in relationships with people. At the same time, we can learn to respect others without judging and at the same time respecting ourselves.

The path together

The psychotherapist mainly works with his personality. It is personality that gives birth to the presence of a real person. A psychologist can be very intellectual, but also dry and theoretical. On the other hand, if you feel that this person loved, suffered, was afraid, and overcame his difficulties, this can be a great support for you on the path to yourself. The relationship between therapist and client provides the opportunity to walk part of the journey with the help of a person with experience whom you yourself have found and chosen. If suddenly the relationship with you does not work out, you can find another specialist.
The therapeutic unique relationship will one day end. If the client has mastered the ability to think like a therapist, then he no longer needs help and will be able to cope on his own. This is the moment of completion of psychotherapy.
If you are not yet thinking about whether you need psychotherapy, I will be happy to help as a psychotherapist online and in person in Kyiv. The initial conversation is always free. You can sign up by clicking the button below.
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