Resistance to psychotherapist/psychotherapy

When a client becomes aware of material previously hidden from understanding, filled with strong unpleasant memories and emotions, he may develop resistance to the psychotherapist, resistance to psychotherapy.

This happens through deep work. If you look at it metaphorically. In life, a person had a closed closet littered with skeletons, now it has been opened and the contents are being examined. But why did they open it? Because the smell from this closet did not let me live. In general, resistance to a psychotherapist is resistance to exploring one’s personality.

In this way, people protect themselves from the realization that they are afraid to find out about themselves, which is unpleasant or embarrassing.

This protection is not obvious, it is hidden from awareness. The person does not understand that he is resisting therapy, this resistance is rationalized and a convenient culprit is found - the therapist and the therapy process itself.

The more important the topic is in the client’s life, and the more decisive it is for changing his life for the better, the stronger the resistance.

All people who undergo psychotherapy in one form or another encounter resistance to awareness of their needs precisely at the moment when they most urgently need this awareness.

What forms does resistance to a psychotherapist take?

1. Psychotherapeutic work that delighted and inspired the client and produced the desired results suddenly seems meaningless and useless.

2. If you catch yourself thinking that when you start working with different psychotherapists, when certain feelings arise, you quit therapy every time and run to the next specialist.

3. When you notice that you are disappointed in your therapist the same way you are disappointed in other significant people in your life.

4. Effective work begins to seem ineffective and too expensive.

5. I would like to complete the course much earlier than the time initially agreed upon.

6. If it suddenly becomes unpleasant to go to sessions, if the thought of therapy becomes difficult, although you see the results and dynamics of progress on your request.

7. When you want to reschedule a meeting with a psychotherapist for no reason.

Note that we are talking only about a successful process. When you see the results and overall everything is fine. Of course, if the therapy didn’t work out initially, then maybe the psychotherapist is simply not suitable and it’s not a matter of resistance. It is important to understand that resistance manifests itself when you go to the depth of your psychological experiences, when you encounter difficult and traumatic experiences at this depth.

What to do with resistance to psychotherapy?

Of course, if negative feelings arise, it is best to discuss them with your therapist. If there is resistance, most likely at the meeting you came very close to something very important, but at the same time painful and unpleasant. Most likely, if you say this, you will understand yourself better and there will be a breakthrough in therapy, and it will move to a qualitatively higher level.

Why do you need to know about resistance to psychotherapy?

If the client does not know that such resistance arises and this is normal, then the desire to escape from therapy will appear at the very moment when it is most needed.

A person experiences conflicting feelings at this moment. On the one hand, he wants to find out and get to the bottom of the reasons for his problems, on the other hand, he wants not to think about extremely unpleasant experiences. It is important to discuss the possibility of resistance early in therapy with the therapist. Preferably at the first meeting.

Is it normal to resist a psychotherapist/psychotherapy?

Resistance is an absolutely natural result of deepening in psychotherapy. Resistance is essentially an invitation to deeper emotional contact. Therefore, resistance is not “overcome”, but explored. Moreover, it is explored together in dialogue.

How to understand this resistance to psychotherapy or incompatibility?

As I said above, negative experiences in therapy are not always the result of resistance to psychotherapy. This may well be an indication that you and your therapist are not a good fit for each other. Only you can decide whether there is compatibility or not. To do this, it is important to listen to your feelings and intuition. Don't be afraid to trust them.

Below I will give a few signs that a psychotherapist is not suitable for you.

1. It is closed and monotonous.

2. You don’t feel the warmth and attention that you need from him

3. Engaged in blackmail and manipulation, refuses to discuss your impressions of consultations and doubts.

4. Exerts psychological pressure

5. Constantly argue and sort things out

6. He uses a bunch of terms without explanation, it feels like he is being looked down upon.

7. He boasts a lot about his acquaintance with famous people, and positions himself as a guru.

8. Perhaps he is not smart enough, has a poor sense of humor.

9. Maybe you don’t like his style, manners or habits

10. Perhaps he does not share your beliefs or begins to criticize them, or maybe, on the contrary, he agrees with everything.

It can be anything. If you don’t like the psychotherapist, it will be difficult for him to convey any information. It's better to break up right away. Another question is if you have already visited a number of specialists, and you don’t like them all. Then you need to think about your expectations.

Expectations from psychotherapy

In any case, you should not abruptly quit therapy; usually for such situations there is one, and in some methods even two final sessions. They are needed in order to talk through these feelings so that the client can return to therapy or end this therapeutic relationship.

It is worth understanding a few important points.

1. You won't be perfect

It is important to get rid of the illusion that after completing therapy you will become an ideal person without problems. This is wrong. There are no perfect people. If you project such expectations onto a psychotherapist, you will definitely be disappointed and these false expectations will lead to frustration from the therapy process.

2. Your therapist is not perfect

If the psychotherapist “fell” in your eyes, it most likely happens that too much was expected of him. You yourself idealized him. Most likely, if you often quote your psychotherapist, it means you are idealizing. Ask yourself questions.

Were your expectations realistic?

Is it important that your therapist is perfect?

3. Think about stereotypes

The stereotype is that when psychotherapy works, you have a positive mood and an excellent attitude towards psychotherapy in general and the psychotherapist in particular. Problems are slowly being resolved, you feel stronger, more mature, more confident, and your understanding of yourself is growing.

However, when negative feelings arise, clients tend to think that therapy is not working. But in fact, negative feelings can also be the result of the excellent work of therapy.

When faced with negative experiences, you understand that changes are coming that will lead to a change in lifestyle, possibly suffering. The ground is disappearing from under your feet. The usual life may go away, you are worried, feeling the approach of something unknown. And of course there is a desire to escape from these negative feelings.

If you become bored or angry with the therapist, it is difficult for you to understand how these experiences are connected.

Most clients experience great difficulty in differentiating their experiences and expressing their feelings, which is why, by the way, they go to psychotherapy and it is extremely useful for them. Understanding your feelings and expressing them is a skill whose importance in life is difficult to overestimate.

I hope this article helped to understand what resistance to a psychotherapist/psychotherapy is.

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