Psychologist's advice: how to increase confidence

If you believe in yourself, your success and your strengths, you will definitely be able to move forward and enjoy your life and communication with other people.

When you look at a successful person, you understand that with such an attitude to life, he will overcome all life’s difficulties and achieve good results in any business he chooses.

Those who do not believe in themselves drag themselves through life, barely moving their legs, avoiding communication with others or, on the contrary, annoying them with their whining about how bad everything is and why nothing will work out for them. They fail both at work and in their personal lives.

There are so many insecure people around us that it seems that confidence is the preserve of a select few.

In fact, confidence is not a genetically determined trait, but a product of the fight against negativity.

If you change your thinking and do the work of eliminating negative attitudes, you can achieve excellent results in strengthening self-confidence.

The reality of an insecure person is limited. He takes every mistake seriously and lives with the thought that he doesn’t deserve anything better. Sound like you?

If this is so, then everything can be changed and finally begin to live a full life. Think about all the opportunities you missed, how many initiatives you didn’t complete, and how many meetings you didn’t attend because of fear.

Of course, self-confidence does not magically appear in one consultation with a psychotherapist; deep work will need to be done. But the request for confidence is quite typical. If others can do it, so can you. If you work with a psychotherapist or psychologist regularly, it will gradually increase, just as muscles strengthen and grow after going to the gym.

How to increase confidence: practical recommendations

It is known that developing a new habit occurs within 21 days of regular practice. That is, in three weeks you can get rid of a bad habit and acquire a useful one.

Getting rid of shyness, dependence on other people’s opinions and gaining confidence is no exception.

Here are some practical recommendations on how to do this:

1. Recognize your problem. This is the first step to any change. If you understand that you need to change, then there will be determination and motivation for change and growth. Observe your behavior without judgment. Separate yourself from your behavior.

2. Stop criticizing yourselfy. Do not label yourself as “cranky”, “unlucky”, “stupid”, “bungler” and the like. Every time such epithets flash through your thoughts or on your tongue, pull yourself back and remind yourself that you are no longer scolding yourself. On the contrary, even with small successes, victories and achievements, praise yourself and encourage yourself.

3. Fight feelings of shame and guilt. They generate and fuel unhealthy states of anxiety, irritability, uncertainty, anger, dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s life. You don’t need to think that your actions cause some troubles for others. Track how these feelings arise, how justified they are, and whether they make you feel like an unnecessary loser. Understand that you are worthy of love, respect and acceptance in your own right, no matter what you do. Separate yourself and your actions.

4. There are no right or wrong feelings. If we judge ourselves for our feelings, we also add guilt to ourselves, making things worse. If  It’s normal to feel angry or angry. You cannot forbid yourself to feel - suppressed feelings do not go away - they will come out as psychosomatics (that is, diseases).

5. It is impossible to get rid of the feeling of loneliness. We come into this world alone and leave it alone. This is reality. But the feeling of loneliness can be reduced. If you want to receive the love and attention of other people, start giving your love and attention to others. Of course, this is a risk, but by leaving your zone of comfortable discomfort, you gain a chance to change. Promise yourself to regularly take the first steps towards new relationships and contacts.

6. Inappropriate reactions come from childhood. When we see that we are overreacting to an ordinary situation, it means that we have touched a childhood trauma (but it can also be a trauma of a more mature age). It is trauma that releases enormous energy of conflict. In such cases, you need to work through the traumatic experience with a psychotherapist so that it does not become active and ruin your life. Be lenient with yourself, sometimes you don’t decide, but your injury decides for you. But this can be changed through therapy. The same applies to rigid attitudes and behavior patterns. As a rule, they are also generated by concepts learned from childhood. They can also be worked through in therapy and gain flexibility in behavior and the ability to act unusually and boldly.

7. Understand what strengths and weaknessesyou have and accept this fact. Accept yourself with your flaws. It is important to understand that everyone has flaws and weaknesses, no one is perfect, and you are no exception. To understand your strengths, think about what distinguished you from childhood, what achievements you had then and what strengths they were based on. Develop your strengths, improve them. There is no need to worry too much about those qualities that are not developed and try to make them strong, focus on what works well.

8. Decide what you want in life. It is important that these goals are yours. So you will understand what is truly important to you, for what  ready to give it all. Celebrate and reward yourself even for small achievements towards your goal - this positive reinforcement will help you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities.

9. Do not allow others to offend and humiliate youby criticizing your personality. Say that you are not ready to maintain communication in this format and do not want to be insulted. Another thing is criticism of actions. Feedback from other people will help you use it to your advantage and improve. Learn to separate criticism of your personality from criticism of your actions. The correct feedback format is not “you’re a failure” but “you didn’t succeed.” Did you catch the difference?

10. Notice the positive aspectsin all circumstances. Everyone makes mistakes and fails. There is not a single successful person who has not experienced disappointment along the way. Obstacles and difficulties make you stronger, you gain experience and learn not to give up. Don’t engage in self-digging and self-eating, draw conclusions and move forward, don’t live in the past.

11. Stop comparing yourself to others, learn to appreciate your uniqueness. Compare yourself solely to yourself. “What would a confident and successful me do in this situation?” - a question that is useful to ask yourself.

12. Stop worrying about other people's opinions. We sacrifice our feelings of desire on the altar of pleasing other people, their opinions, criticism, fear of not meeting expectations. Our personal growth suffers from these barriers that other people create for us. If from childhood you were told “it’s bad to stand out”, “behave modestly”, “wealth is for thieves”, “be content with little” - it’s difficult to expect great achievements. As you know, those who always play by the rules imposed by others do not achieve great results.

What to do in this case? You need to understand what you want from life. What goals and values are close. What desires do you have? In this case, the voice of your goals and desires will drown out the critical voices of others. Tune in to your radio station and follow it.

Albert Einstein said, “He who has found himself loses dependence on the opinions of others.”

13.Do not put up with life circumstancesin which you experience your inferiority. Don't put up with people or activities that are toxic to you. Learn to analyze what radiates negativity in your life and try to get rid of and get out of such activities and relationships. Understanding and asserting your boundaries is an excellent skill that will help develop self-confidence. And smile more often. It has been noticed that a smile helps you go through life in a good mood and affects your physical well-being.

14.Communicate with people more often.Communicating with others is a great opportunity to exchange emotions and recharge information. Be friendly. Don't be afraid to take the first step towards conversation. Smile, ask for advice, or simply give a compliment. Learn to talk about what you like or don’t like in communication, give others feedback while maintaining your boundaries. There are a huge number of people who will be interested in you. Make jokes, tell jokes. It is known that humor helps people feel more free and relaxed and brings people closer together. Make eye contact during a conversation; insecure people don't do this.

15. Love yourself, learn to rest and relax.Listen to yourself, your desires and feelings. Don't be hard on yourself. Make time for rest and meditation. This is a great time to tune in to your wavelength and hear your true desires. Every morning ask yourself the question “what do I want today?” Make yourself feel good. Let it be small joys and pleasures - meeting with friends, your favorite cafe, shopping or rustling leaves in the park, it can be anything. Look for a way to recharge yourself with positivity in your daily routine.

17. Say directly what you wantand don’t be afraid that you will be refused. Fear of rejection changes life priorities and affects relationships with people. The probability of refusal exists, but it is no greater than the probability that you will be given what you want. But even a refusal is a new position for negotiations - you can change your proposal by understanding what exactly you are not satisfied with and the chances of success will increase. Negotiation and sales skills can be learned; it is not as difficult as it might seem. Fear of rejection ruins any chance of getting what you want. No one will even know what you really want. Think about it. All people are rejected sometimes. This is fine. As the great inventor Thomas Edison said, “every bad experience brings you closer to a successful one.” With his life he proved the correctness of this thought.

18.Straighten your posture. As I said above, physiology and our internal state are closely related. Insecure people are tense, their shoulders are turned inward, their back is usually hunched, and their head is down. To maintain a state of confidence on a physical level, straighten your shoulders, raise your head up, and look straight. This will help maintain the resource state.

19. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Self-pity is the lot of weak and insecure people. Take responsibility for yourself and your life. Don't blame others.

20. There is no concept of “normal.” Understand what is important to you - this will be your norm. What works best for you and your loved ones? Choose a path and follow it without regard to your fantasies about the social norm.

Don't be afraid to break your behavioral stereotypes. Stop accepting a supporting role in life. Take action if you need support - use the services of a psychotherapist online or in person in Kyiv. To register, click on the button below.

Take action and you will succeed!