What to tell a psychotherapist

An open conversation is not psychotherapy.

We expect openness from everyone around us. We want our loved ones to honestly tell us what is happening, their feelings and motives. We expect the same from children. In general, openness is a commonplace. People tend to open up to us, and we to them. This is the key to any healthy relationship.

But if we already have these close, open relationships with other people, why would we pay a therapist? After all, friends or relatives can easily provide us with the service of a confidential conversation, and for free.

In fact, open conversation is not all psychotherapy is. There is no need to be deceived. Intimate conversation and psychotherapy are different formats of communication, although outwardly they may be similar. Both are confidential conversations. Moreover, in the case of psychotherapy, only the client opens up and this is his time; the psychotherapist does not receive his share of attention and time, as in a conversation with a friend, where both exchange opinions and their experiences.

The focus of the psychotherapist in the conversation is not the external content of the conversation, but the unconscious processes that are hidden from the client. They cannot be spoken, but they are the ones that influence the client’s consciousness and behavior.

The founder of psychotherapy, Freud, compared it to archaeological research, when an archaeologist puts together a whole picture of what is happening from a bunch of scattered fragments.

This integrity is associated with internal conflicts that elude awareness.

The therapist observes not only what is said, but also how it is said and what is not said, to look for inconsistencies that can help point to the reasons for such behavior. This way you can notice which reactions the client suppresses by covering them with more socially acceptable ones.

At the same time, the psychotherapist is careful about what the client says and does not judge him. During therapy, the client develops a realistic view of his thoughts and actions, and by understanding himself, the client gains greater flexibility in interacting with others and himself in order to form healthy relationships with himself and others.

How to behave at an appointment with a psychotherapist

As a rule, people have this fantasy about what a session looks like:

1. Say hello

2. Lay down on the couch (or sat down)

3. Pouring out my thoughts

4. At the end of the session they will tell me what to do

This is far from reality. Yes, you need to say hello. But the couch is used only in psychoanalysis; most modern methods no longer use this technique. The client sits opposite the psychotherapist on a regular chair or armchair. Ventilating your thoughts is unlikely to lead to solving problems. Of course, this will help to let off steam (and it will definitely be a relief), but it will not solve the root problem.

Therefore, a psychotherapist usually has a work structure that he has studied for many years, which involves dialogue and the extraction of information that is significant to achieve a result.

That is, it is not necessary to dump everything, the psychotherapist himself will ask what, in his opinion, is important and can help in resolving your request.

As a rule, the first few sessions (1 or 2) are devoted to an initial interview, during which the specialist collects a history of your situation and tries to understand your life and relationships with people in general.

As the conversation progresses, the therapist may give certain techniques or exercises designed to clarify the hypotheses he or she has, or to help you better see situations or master some useful tool for self-help. Sometimes at the end of the meeting I give tasks to complete at home. This could be some kind of exercise, self-observation or journaling.

Therefore, before starting therapy, you need to ask yourself the question “Do I really want to change?” After all, this will require effort. A psychotherapist will not solve your problem for you; he can help you find a way out and build an action plan, but you will have to go it yourself.

And most of the work happens outside of consultations, and the success of psychotherapy depends on it.

What to tell a psychotherapist

There is no need to prepare specifically for the first meeting with a psychotherapist, come up with phrases to say, or fill out some forms. The main thing is to be willing to have an open conversation and trust. Be honest and ready to share the information that the specialist asks.

Based on the first meetings, you and the psychotherapist understand how easy it is for you to get along with each other and whether he is ready to work with you. It is critically important for therapy to find “your” psychotherapist.

Be proactive; if information comes up that you think will help you better understand the situation, talk about it. Make the most of your consultation time. This is your time. Try to keep notes of some important points that you understood during the consultation. You can ask or talk about anything. This is a place where you can not be afraid to pull old skeletons out of the closet - after all, communication with a psychotherapist is absolutely confidential. You can be sure that everything will remain between you; the ethical code of the psychotherapist is responsible for this. Don’t be afraid to clarify and ask again.

Don't expect much from the first session. It takes time to find the cause and build a strategy to solve the problem. Problems that have accumulated over the years are unlikely to be resolved quickly. Those who promise to solve all your problems in a couple of sessions are most likely charlatans.

As a rule, psychotherapy takes from 10 sessions per request. You need to be prepared for this.

I hope this article was useful to you. If you want to use my psychotherapy services online or in person in Kyiv, I will be happy to help. To schedule a consultation, click the button below.

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