It all starts with the fact that parents lay down the idea that “you are the eldest (senior) and therefore you must be stronger, smarter, give in, take care and be responsible for everything.  This sense of duty and guilt (when you suddenly begin to think about your needs and desires too) gives birth to “rescuers”. And even when the younger ones grow up and can already completely take care of themselves, this attitude that one must live exclusively for others is already firmly rooted in the head.

People with this attitude always take responsibility both in relationships and in business. The number of people who happily and without much gratitude take advantage of your ever-giving and ever-saving position only increases over the years, and one day the burden that you shouldered as a child, “lifelong rescuers,” begins to strain you so much that it seems to you that you will soon collapse on this altar of salvation for everyone around. But the thought that “I must” is already firmly ingrained in my head, which is difficult to get rid of. 

Of course, it is important to help others and support them, but at the same time it is important not to forget about yourself and your needs.

Who and what do we really owe? Should we save everyone and why? How to determine the degree of your participation in the lives of other people?

I suggest you divide the sheet into 3 columns. In the first, write the name of the person you care about and honestly write on the right next to the name - write why you should not do this.

For example, “I don’t have to constantly take care of my brother - because he is already a grown man and can take care of himself.”

Of course, now you have arguments why this is not so and why he will be lost without you. But you stop this stream of thoughts and in the last column write what you will do now.

For example, “I can support my brother within reasonable limits (consider what those limits are, given your own budget and needs), understanding that it is he, not I, who is responsible for his life and his decisions.”

Difficult? Of course it’s difficult, because you’ve lived like this your whole life. Attitudes laid down from childhood include many arguments why you should be the savior of his life and why your brother, neighbor, colleague, etc., should do without you. There’s simply nowhere without you.  

But you can at least try.  If this is difficult, you can sign up for a consultation by clicking the button below. And try to do this together with the support of a specialist. You will be surprised how much you did that was unnecessary.

After all, when you live exclusively by the problems of other people, you completely forget about your own needs and desires, which means that you starve your own desires.

You buy expensive things for children, but walk around in cast-offs - “I’ll get by.”

On the one hand, this seems to be correct - of course, a loving mother and an exemplary wife, who showers everyone with expensive gifts, but at the same time remains on an eternal starvation diet.  Why is her hope that someone will start caring about her not justified, why does internal devastation come?

Feeling the joy of other people is the hope of feeling joy yourself. By projecting your needs onto others. Such a person begins to attribute his needs to others, without realizing that these are his own needs.

Often inventing other people's desires and needs that may not exist, doing good deeds without even asking if there is a need for them.

It is important to help when a person really asks for it, without being guided by your fantasies about what he needs (that is, without attributing your own needs to another).

It is difficult to see your own needs.

To do this, it is useful to ask people about their desires and realize that these desires are very often different from your own.

The next step may be to understand that to be, for example, beautiful and desirable is my own desire and my daughter has absolutely nothing to do with it. Start spending on yourself and giving yourself what you want to give to your friend. Sign up for a dance - where the child persistently pushed.

That is, to understand - what do you personally want?

And finally, learn to talk about your desires out loud to other people, ask for their satisfaction.

Don’t expect them to read your thoughts, tell them about them.

After all, others also have their own projections - and if you rely on them, you will be upset.

Your husband thinks you want flowers, but you want to go to a concert. But how will he know about it if you don’t tell him?

Give your loved ones a chance to show love the way you want it.

It’s possible that they might like it)) And maybe you will like it too.

Take action and you will succeed!