Every person has observed how self-esteem greatly influences achievements in life, work and relationships.
It seems that there is no area in life that is not influenced by self-esteem. Ultimately, our mental health and ability to act adequately in each specific situation depend on it.
People with low self-esteem have a tendency to be overly critical of themselves and devalue their achievements. They are very dependent on external assessment, the support of other people, they cannot rely on their own opinion about themselves. Their life is filled with fears, anxiety and doubts about the correctness of their actions.
We can metaphorically say that such a person himself puts spokes in the wheels of his own “cart”. It is clear that such a “cart” will not go far.
Conversely, people who have adequate self-esteem enjoy life, positively deal with difficulties that arise in life, and are generally satisfied with life. They maintain self-respect in any situation and quickly recover from failures.
They like to feel like who they are.
What about you? If you cannot say that your condition is exactly like this, then perhaps low self-esteem is the reason for the lack of a positive attitude in life and the lack of those achievements and relationships that you would like.
How is self-esteem formed?
Before we give practical recommendations for increasing self-esteem, let's figure out where it comes from
is taken.
Self-esteem, simply put, is your opinion of yourself. This opinion about ourselves is influenced by various factors: what significant people said about us in childhood, what imprint left by relationships with other people and their opinions about us, our victories and defeats. It cannot be said that only childhood impressions form self-esteem. Of course, they are very significant, but self-esteem does not stand still and changes throughout life.
Arrogance is often confused with adequate self-esteem. Arrogant people, braggarts are more likely to have low self-esteem and desperately need to demonstrate their perceived or obvious achievements in order to receive praise from others and feed their low self-image. Therefore, a healthier state is not inflated, but adequate self-esteem.
Now let's move on to simple ways to increase self-esteem.
1. Method – Take an honest look at your past.
Take an objective look at how your unique life story has shaped you. Where and in what family were you born? What opportunities did you have? Who raised you and supported you as a child? Have other people been interested in your failures and successes? Who shared them with you? What was your childhood filled with?
The more detailed and honest you approach the examination of your life, the better you will understand why you have the self-esteem you have about yourself, and understand its origin. This means you can accept yourself and your story and increase your opinion of yourself, and, consequently, your self-esteem.
2. Method – Recognize the fact that not everything can be changed
This will help you accept yourself. Objectively, you cannot choose other parents for yourself, be born in another country or in another body, just as you cannot bring back those who have died. If you learn to come out of the experience of loss and loss with positivity, you will have more joy in your life. Realize that there is no healthy self-esteem without self-acceptance.
3. Method – Learn to hear yourself.
Learn to be aware of what you say to yourself - positive, negative, downright harmful or useful, constructive words. Observe this stream of thoughts and learn to accept it.
4. Method – Give up perfectionism
Stop expecting yourself to be perfect. This will never happen and no one expects it from you. In healthy relationships, people accept each other's imperfections, understanding that imperfection is a feature of human nature.
5. Method - Do what is pleasant and useful for you
It is unlikely that if you buy a cool car like Ferrariyou will not care about it. Most likely, you will fill it with good gasoline, wash it and otherwise maintain it regularly. You are much more expensive than Ferrari - so it makes sense to treat yourself with the same care and love - get enough sleep, eat right and pamper yourself. Give yourself gifts and rewards even for small achievements and victories.
6. Method – Write down compliments
It is important to remember the positive things that other people say about you and not focus on the negative. Give yourself compliments and accept others'. It's a good idea to hang compliments about yourself in visible places in the form of notes (like magnets on the refrigerator) or above the table.
7. Method - Expand your contacts
Even if you are not an extrovert, you need this in order to be emotionally nourished. Connections with other people make it possible с
balance your life and feel better by relieving excessive emotional stress. Talking to others about your feelings and asking them for help in difficult situations is a sign of good self-esteem, getting rid of the illusion of one’s own worthlessness or perfection.
You can use any of these methods or use them all. Any, even a small step towards healthy self-esteem is already a big deal.
If necessary, you can use the help of a psychotherapist online or in person in Kyiv by clicking the “sign up” button below. As I wrote above asking for help - this is normal.
Take action and you will succeed!
Date of update: 04/18/2024 Mikhail Dickey - certified psychologist - psychotherapist - coach. Read about the author